The End of Year Vent.

I'm slowly getting my bearings on this thing called life. It's funny, college teaches you to be confident, to be a sponge of knowledge, to be able to conquer all because you went to a fantastic school; BUT, in reality, this whole life thing is way more difficult than it actually seems.  You know the disclaimer on the rear view mirrors on a car, "Objects may appear closer than they seem," well, it's the same for life. You really don't know when it's going to hit you and it'll hit you hard and it may seem closer than it is, but it'll bite you before you know it. It's like a speeding train. With no brakes and way too much grease on its wheels. Wham. Bam. Boom.


I find myself in a mid-life crisis. I've been in this crisis for some time now...always restless, always trying to figure out my next steps, but still somehow lacking the motivation to kick myself in gear and just got for it, whatever "it" is.


And then time. Time just flies by like it's on some sort of raging case of adrenaline mixed with confusion. I still don't know why it finds the need to whoosh past me and not let me take a breath.  Sometimes, I feel like so many opportunities are passing me by, but I just don't know what to do with them because for one, I'm not inspired, two, I find myself in a rut, and three, I feel like I'm not in control. There isn't a hold on my destiny that I can realize. Maybe it'll hit me later. MAYbe, I'll finally come to terms with the hidden part of myself that I can control more than I know. It's challenging because in this day and age, you feel like you're set up to know everything that can possibly cross your path whether it's a career, relationship or some other mind boggling situation, but in actuality, you're just blindly working your way through life, making mistakes, trying to uncover realizations about yourself and everything you encounter is so foreign and bizarre that you know in your bones you weren't ready for this.


So this is where I find myself. No I'm not depressed. Well, maybe to a minute extent I am, but really, I just want to figure it out. How does one find happiness? When do things finally fall into place and you finally come to terms with the fact that you are content, satisfied and now have the ambition to explore other parts of yourself by taking care of the immediate survival needs?  It's so frustrating growing up and being told you're on the right track, doing the right thing, making the right choices, and then when all is said and done, you're in this life and you feel like you've learned absolutely nothing. Nothing makes sense, nothing goes how you want, you thought you made the right career choice, but now you've wasted four and a half years realizing you hate client services and there's nothing you can do to get that time back. And don't even get me started on relationships. I just want answers. How do I ultimately control my destiny? How do I find happiness? And HOW do I get myself out of this rut? 


There. I vented. Now I leave you with a little falling without knowing.

This is the Now Generation...or Something

The Black Eyed Peas have a song called the "Now Generation" which predominantly focuses on our generation's need for immediacy. We want things now. We don't want to wait. There are all these tools out there to allow us to get things now -- Wikipedia, blogs, Facebook, Google, our mobile devices wired with internet, apps and Words with Friends all allow us to get anything we want to know in a matter of seconds.  My generation is guilty of having a full blown addiction to the internet and all the insane nows it has to offer. If you can't find something, Google it.  Just search the interweb and you'll be hooked up with everything you needed and didn't need to know just by clicking "GO".  So what is it about needing everything right now? Why is there so much pressure on the now? Why can't we be patient, get what we need in due time; perform quality research to render valuable results?  It's because we're told by society and the media that we just can't wait. Life is too short -- live fast, live hard and get everything you want before it's gone. Because lord knows, that new $1,500 TV is going to be replaced by another $2,000 TV next year, and OH SNAPS, I need that shit NOW. 


My generation is so brainwashed by this thing, this plague of immediacy. We rush through things and we burn out and we get frustrated because in life, nothing happens immediately.  The internet is our immediate satisfaction because it gives us everything we want, BUT, in life?  Life takes time. It's frustrating and challenging and has so many ups and downs that half the time you can't even figure out if you're in a peak or a valley, because either way, something isn't happening right now.  Our influence from getting immediate satisfaction is blinding us from what life really is.  In life, you don't get things now. You have to work at it, and unless you're insanely fortunate and can warrant being spoiled with everything you need and don't need within a matter of minutes, you're stuck with the rest of us being unsatisfied, unspoiled and annoyed that the key aspects of life don't happen immediately.


Don't worry, I'm not pointing the finger.  I'm wholeheartedly guilty of impatience, especially when it comes to my career.  After working in a place for 4 years and hitting every single possible peak and valley that I could while working there, I now realize that if I don't feel like I'm in a place that can offer me what I want now, I need to switch.  This trend is common in our generation.  The average 20 something has about 7 jobs in their 20s, most of which are hopped through within a matter of 2-3 years.  It's amazing how we selfishly gobble up a position only to let it go because it doesn't fit.  Are we just job hoppers? Are we just too anxious to know what else is out there instead of trying to settle and conform to an environment that might not fit, but you know you can try to squeeze into it despite it being slightly uncomfortable and hideous? I sure think so. I know my angst. It makes my back hurt and I find a pit in my stomach aching because my head and my heart's resistance to conforming to it takes over every muscle in my body (by the way, it really is an awful feeling).  The resistance part is interesting. You can feel your whole body just say "No. I don't want to do that," because we're so used to being able to fix dissatisfaction, no matter how big or small, almost instantaneously.  But somethings you just can't fix...not instantly at least and it's such a frustrating concept to try to understand.  


A highlight of the Peas' song is needing "cold hard cash," obviously NOW since this is the now generation.  And honestly, who doesn't want cold hard cash now?  I hear the phrase, "If I had a million dollars..." or "If I found a million dollars..." all the time with a whole laundry list of things that person wants to do following.  "Expedi-ate and improve my situation."  It's amazing how we're all told to think and truly believe that money can solve so many of our problems.  Once you have money you can do what you want, when you want, how you want.  Earning it? Eh, who cares as long as you just find a way to have it you're set.  I'm not going to lie, if a million dollars magically showed up on my doorstep, I'd quit my job in a heartbeat, pay of my bills, travel for a bit and start my own company.  I don't like to think I fall into the category of cash cow without at least working for it because I do value the importance of working and contributing to some cog in some wheel to make the world a better, more interesting place.  And it's not like I even need a ton of cash -- I just want to have enough to support my future family and my future aspirations (that being a winery catering to a casual environment meant to bring people into a home, enjoy some really good wine and some munchies on top of that (no tools allowed though)).  But that concept of needing money is still embedding in my brain.  It hits me and I get so frustrated on how many aspects of my life it controls.  Why does money have to be such a bossy decision maker?


Well, in America, our capitalist / consumerist / materialist society embeds the "want" in our brains.  The "want" being money to buy us what we're told we "need," more money to buy us more things that we "need," and the ultimate goal of having a cash cow cushy life to aspire to all of our hopes, dreams and who knows what else.  Wouldn't it be interesting to know what life would be like without all of this pressure?  I mean, less than 100 years ago, people still enjoyed life and remembered what it was like to breathe and not kill themselves for something they're not meant to have.  On the flip side, industrialism did spark all of this need for things now.  Our industrialist forefathers realized efficiency is beneficial -- make things faster and people will be satisfied and more productive. Can you imagine how fast this concept mushroomed?  It started with factories, turned into cars, telephones and went lightening speed into computers, the internet and insane mobile devices that give one person entirely too much power. 


Half the time, I find myself torn.  I aspire to be efficient and adopt all the tools needed to make myself more efficient, but then I crave isolation and cutting off from the "now" just to catch my breath and figure out what the hell it is I'm trying to accomplish. My parents raised me well and there's nothing they could have possibly done to adjust my views on life seeing as all the resources I need to be influenced are so readily available...unless they put me in a cave or something. ... But, they encouraged me to be successful, go to a good school, a great school, ensure that I can stand alone, be financially secure, and not rely on anyone but myself to survive.  In theory, this is fantastic advice, but when it comes to life now -- life that demands immediacy -- is the concept of aim for success always now a flawed concept because we lose sight of so many other important aspects of the world and what life in all of its ups and downs has to offer? 


I will leave it at that to ponder. ...and get ready to rest upon this idea.


But don't forget to listen to the Now Generation:

It's Autumn...Again.

Ah, epic failure again.  I've neglected the blog, but somehow for the past, almost 3 months, I've been so utterly distracted that this blog has fallen by the wayside.  Perhaps I'm just not the devoted writer I hoped I would be...who knows.  ANYWAY I've learned a couple of things lately:

1.  I really like photography and am ACHING for a glorious digital SLR. Greedily, I was hoping for some minor financial help from the parentals for the upcoming b-day and X-mas; however, they have decided to opt for home remodeling and have repeatedly, explicitly stated that birthdays and Christmas no longer exist. SAD. I'll now have to magically have to figure out how to make $700+ appear all on my very own. The woes of being an adult. 

2.  I need goals. Goals for my career; goals for my personal life; goals for quite nearly everything.  I realized I'm restless, unsatisfied and antsy, thus, I need to set some goals for myself on what I want to accomplish and when. To start, I need to finish my paintings. Both are due by December 31, 2010...granted, they've both been started, therefore, it's not too terribly painful to finish them...except for the smoke on the shoe. There's a reason why it's take FOREVER to finish. 

3.  I will focus my energy on crafting a business. There is no other way to feel self-fulfilled than becoming your own boss and forming a business that you feel ownership over, that you drive and that you in every shape and form love. It's time to blend wine and the interweb and boy do those two need some serious love in their relationship. 

4.  Zolite still remains to be epic cuteness (I had to throw her in somewhere, she's just too flippin' cute).

5.  I have way too many ideas in my head. I want to read, paint, write, research, explore, cook, relax, sleep, drink, wander, roam, who knows what else all at the exact same time.  I need to learn to FOCUS. Focus and prioritize and breathe while doing so.  

6.  I need to treat my job as only a job and not my life.  I do not own this company; my impact is all I can hope it to be; and I'm not so attached to mobile that it can warrant the stress and anxiety it currently does.

7.  I'm BORED. Therefore, to cure boredom, I need distractions and hobbies...and various things that excite me. Finding all of those things are a challenge...especially when not trying to spend a lot of cash; therefore, creativity is key.

8.  I need to not be scared of my finances as I currently am.  They're just so daunting and real that dealing with them is scary. I'm not bankrupt or anything...I just don't want to deal with them at the moment. (I know, bad, bad, bad, shame on me).

9.  I will clean the pile of papers on my abandoned desk that keep staring at me, as I know that as much as I've willed them to magically disappear, it just won't happen. This also goes for the various objects in my closet I really don't need anymore, the useless TV I have and don't know what to do with -- recycle? trash? compost? special plastic dispensary? Who can figure it out anymore??

10.  I will learn to not require as much sleep as I currently do. As much as I love it, crave it, crash so easily, I will learn to not rely so heavily on rest and will push myself to be more productive during various odd hours.  How does one learn to be an insomniac?  Endless amounts of coffee? Is it actually even possible?

11.  I will not be so absorbed in my email, music, iPhone, what have you, to not stop, observe and enjoy the various characters roaming the glorious streets of SF.  

OK, that's all I have for now.  Next post, I promise, will be an analysis between Jango and Pandora. 

Give me some inspiration dear world!

Les Doux Souvenirs de Grand Marnier

Grand Marnier.  A delightfully perky spirit with the sweet hints of orange balanced with the sharpness of cognac.

When I was younger, my father would enjoy sipping on his brandy or cognac in the winter months, whether it was at home in Pinole during chilly weekend evenings or up at our glorious cabin in Tahoe, playing Zolīte (the card game, not the cat) around the dining room table, making jokes about my mother always needing to stretch out (I think it was an excuse to go to sleep early) and listening to ABBA.  At the young, tender age of we'll say 15 (could've been 14, but we'll play safe here), brandies and cognacs were a bit too strong for me.  My initial reaction to them was "it tastes like cardboard...with a kick."  I have since primed my taste-buds to appreciate such apéritifs; however, back then, I needed a little sweetening to my beverages.  Alas, I was introduced to Grand Marnier.  Probably a bad idea, but oh man, did I enjoy sipping on Grand Marnier.  Not only did I feel cool with my little brandy sniffer taking appreciative sips like my Dad, the sweetness of the liqueur satisfied my sweet tooth and the sharpness (and alchohol level) of the cognac gave me that nice light, buzzed feeling of enjoying the moment.  So when I saw the latest commercial for Grand Marnier, a very 60s style cartoon with a backdrop of classic french music, it brought back some memories.



Ah, to feel so chic sipping on Grand Marnier!  Just saying it makes you sound a bit swankier.  I definitely appreciate the vintage feel of this commercial.  It honestly made me think, "Hmm, I haven't had Grand Marnier in a while...and it is tasty...and it does have that Parisian nose in the air appeal."  I haven't gone out an purchased it yet (the $20+ for a fifth price tag is a bit daunting); however, if it was offered to me, I wouldn't turn it down because I would like to think that I'm wearing a chic black cocktail dress with a fabulous party hat and a cigarette stick recalling those memories from my youth, enjoying this fantastically satisfying spirit.

Oh, Hello Blog, It's Been Too Long

Wow, no blog for 4 months. I've failed miserably; however, I will make up for this failure by starting over, starting fresh and keeping as much activity on this blog as I possibly can.  For starters, I'm making some changes to my way of life.  Now that I've been enlightened that money sadly does not grow on trees (actually, I already knew it didn't, but I just binged on a careless spend-happy month, so shame on me), I'm going to make an effort to clean the lifestyle, get organized and budget properly.  What does this all entail? Well, a couple of things:


1. I joined mint.com and will now have friendly push notifications bombing my iPhone when I go over the budgets I've set for myself.


2. I will adjust my budgets each month so that I don't go on careless spending sprees, but will allow myself wiggle room in the important categories like spending time with friends (dinners, bars, random adventures, etc), museum trips and retail therapy (not excessive, but just enough so I don't get withdrawals and turn into a crazy person).


3. I will sell things I no longer need, use, wear, etc. That means any objects ranging from books, electronics, clothes, even shoes, will be sold.  My first attempts at eBay haven't been wildly successful, but I'm not giving up.  Someone will buy by $600 Christian Louboutin's because Lady Gaga has the exact same pair. I know she's hot right now and so are these shoes!


4. I am giving up TV. Yup, saying goodbye to the boob tube.  Any shows I want to watch can most likely be streamed online in some shape or form and that is much better than spending $50-$60 a month on channels and programs that I don't need to be losing brain cells on. Sorry Real Housewives, you were a guilty pleasure, but I can do without.  Anyone that is interested in my small pathetic television (could be good for a garage or some obscure setting not requiring a 36" panel screen), I'll sell it to you for $15.


5. I am going to finish my paintings.  Without TV, there's now absolutely no excuse for me to not get in the zone after I come home from work and execute on this cobwebbed talent of mine.


6. I will read more.  Books are stimulation of knowledge and my brain needs to be reinvigorated. Green Apple is calling my name (they did send me, and 5000 other people, an email saying they missed me...aww, how sweet) and I will return the call...after Madame Bovary and Atlas Shrugged...and possibly War and Peace (eek.).


7. I will prepare lunch for myself for the week and not spend $8-$10 everyday on expensive FiDi food...though I will allow myself an 'out' lunch once a week, if needed, so I don't feel too pathetic with my daily tupperware tucked in the office fridge.


8. I will blog more.  Yes, I've neglected this page and I feel bad.  Granted, I did start a new post, but never finished it because it rallied too many emotions all at once; however, it may present itself at some point in the near future. 


9. I will be healthier.  Healthier in food and beverage (the beverage part will be difficult because I love beer and wine and liquids with calories in them); healthier in mental state of mind (my brain is emotionally exhausted and is in need of repair); healthier in physical form (perhaps pilates will return as long as Zolite leaves me alone and doesn't attack me when I'm doing the one hundred on the floor...or maybe evening walks when I come home...we shall see); just healthier all around.


10. I will watch more foreign films and form a stronger bond with Netflix.  I've always loved the foreign cinema -- the films are just a bit more stimulating and since Netflix has online streaming, hellooooo movie time. Don't worry, I'll still need silly films to take a break from intellectual overload.


I know I can make changes in my life by setting goals for myself and sticking to them, and hopefully, these goals will help me guide me on this long path of life, because right now, I've lost my way and I need to get back on track. And with that, I give you one of the bubbliest songs I can possibly think of.  A little Hall & Oates:

There's Something About Flowers...

Flowers have a delightful way of cheering up even the most melancholy of souls, for their perkiness and unique personality just have a certain way of making their admirer smile.  People purchase flowers for occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, dinner parties, those, "I saw them and thought of you" instances, when someone feels the need to make up for something bad, weddings, funerals, even Macy's in Union Square transforms themselves into a jungle of blooms.  Their purpose on these occasions is to brighten, beautify, add bursts of color in every corner possible.  Flowers are so coveted because the vast variety of them makes it impossible to not be quite pleased with one, or a bunch, smiling right back up at you.  It really is undoubtedly remarkable how nature's way of cultivating soil and keeping the bees busy making honey can also bring so much simple joy to a person.  

As a super fan of these friendly buds, I do make it a point to keep fresh cut flowers in my apartment to keep the space bright and add a dose of nature to my backyard-less 6th floor studio.  Currently, I have ranunculus flowers on my book shelf and in my bathroom.  They were nodding at me at Trader Joe's, saying, "Buy Me!" in the most sing song way possible.  Now that I have them in my Strauss Milk glass bottles, they are spreading their petals most delicately and were definitely worth the $3.99/bunch.  

  Image courtesy of me.

Aside from the flowers in my apartment, I recently took a much needed therapy trip to the Botanical Gardens in Golden Gate Park.  These gardens are not only huge and still expanding, they are also free which is amazing seeing how SF's latest trend is to suck as much money out of you in any way possible.  Nonetheless, on a gorgeous Spring day, flouncing around in a skirt, tank top and digital point and shoot (Konica Minolta, Dimage G600, yes I'm working on saving to purchase a digital SLR), I wandered about the gardens capturing as many photos of flowers, leaves, greenery, whatever I could find that had a unique balance of color and shadows to further expand my growing collection of botanical photography.  

To walk about the gardens, through the grass, dirt paths, in-between trees, brush, flower beds, ponds, swamps, all sorts of elements you would find in tucked away corners of the earth are what make the Botanical Gardens so much to enjoy.  Some may ask, "Why do you just want to go look at plants all day?" Why not?  Nature is something so precious to this earth that we have to cherish and respect the organic beauty it has.  In everyday life we see processed beauty -- from industrial architecture, to beautiful clothes and shoes, to pretty pieces we find in shops -- but natural beauty, that which can only be provided by the sun, terrain and rain, is how we as people are able to process and create beauty.  

Have a little look-see at the photos from my recent trip here, 

SF Botanical Gardens

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If you haven't yet been to the gardens, or have, but haven't been back in a while, I encourage you to take advantage of a gorgeous Spring day, and enjoy getting lost in the stunning world of plants, trees, flowers and everything in-between.

My Age Old Obsession

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had a fascination with cars.  My parents had a fairly new for the times SUV... and a fossil, so naturally I always favored my Dad's '89 Nissan Pathfinder over my Mom's '81 Audi 4000.  The Pathfinder was blue, my favorite color at the time, had a working radio, air conditioning, a pop-outable moon roof, and it rode high up so I felt "taller." Small children definitely have their priorities in order, right?  My Mom's Audi drove hard, was tight to get in and out of once my legs were longer than the rest of me, didn't have a working radio, didn't have air conditioning, didn't have a moon roof and looked so industrial with it's boring, flat silver paint; I had no choice, but to wrinkle my nose when we had to take a trip somewhere in it.  Granted, I learned much later that when my Mom bought the '81 Audi in 1981, it was a hot, zippy car that many pined after -- this was before everyone bought them and realized the inconsistency in engineering...50% lemons, 50% built to last 20+ years.  And that's exactly how long my Mom owned her Audi -- 22 years, finally trading it in 2002 for a cute little VW Jetta.  


My parents, way back when, were all about driving stick shifts and always said that with a manual, you control the car, the car doesn't control you.  Dad would gloat about his Firebird, my Mom finally spilled the beans when I was a lot older that she owned a Porsche Speedster, both stick shifts obviously and both very much coveted cars.  Sadly, my parents new philosophy on the matter is, "I'm old and it takes too much effort to drive a stick." Poo, poo on you!   I still think they're secretly jealous of my adorably energetic '09 VW GTI with a 6-speed manual transmission.  I know I love it!


When I was about 9 or 10 years old, my obsession with cars, more specifically, German engineered cars, came into full effect.  I enjoyed watching BMWs, new Audis, Benzes, and most of all Porsches, race down the freeways from the backseat window of my Mom's clunker, gaze into the interiors of parked cars and just ogle at the brilliant machinery.  When I first laid eyes on a Porsche, the '96 era 911 Turbo, I was instantly enthralled by it's lines, shape and power.  And in silver, it looks absolutely gorgeous.

Courtesy of http://www.automotive.com

Today, it still is a remarkable machine and marked the continuation of the era using this specific Porsche style body, obviously with some refinements for new technologies coming about.  So, every time I saw a Porsche on the road, I would literally scream out, "PORSCHE!" and scare one of my parents, whoever was driving, half to death and annoy the hell out of my sister.  I couldn't help it though.  My eyes were glued to them when they graced the road nearest to me.  I remember being very disappointed if the driver of the Porsche didn't push the fantastic lady to it's full potential.  Porsches are meant to be driven, not goosed.   

My parents, and sister, picked up on the fact that I had the spirit of a little boy's obsession with cars, trapped in their little girl's body.  My Dad loved it though.  We bonded over our shared love of machinery, seeing as he has a degree in mechanical and electrical engineering, it really hit close to home.  When I got older, we went to the SF Auto Show at the Moscone Center where I was in heaven photographing my loves, snagging up all the Porsche posters I could find so I could pin them to my bedroom walls, and bolting to the nearest Porsche I could find to plop my bottom in it and pretend that it was all mine.  For birthdays and Christmas, I got Porsche paraphernalia, from keychains, to model cars, to my sister painting a plaque with the Porsche emblem on it.  I'm telling you, I was truly obsessed.

Now that I've gotten older, I don't yell, "PORSCHE!" every time I see one, I don't have Porsche posters plastered on my walls, I don't have my model cars out anymore, I still have the keychain on my key ring and people still ask me what kind of Porsche I have (I, sadly, have to answer, I don't have one...yet), but I still have a true, indissoluble love of the 911 and all super cars under the Porsche umbrella.  Mind you, I don't covet the Boxster or Cayman...those are toy cars to me.  When my sister sent me a link of the new 918 Spyder to brighten a cloudy day, my love was all the more revived.  I mean come on, hellooooo lover:

      

Courtesy of Porsche and http://www.autoblog.com

Courtesy of Porsche and http://www.autoblog.com

Courtesy of Porsche and http://www.autoblog.com

Isn't she absolutely gorgeous?  A hybrid super car.  WOW.  The lines are much like her older sister, the Carrera GT, but so much more enhanced and compact.  James Dean would be proud.  He lost his life in a Porsche Spyder, but this, this gorgeous creature would make him smile.  

She has a 500-horsepower V8 engine with a pair of electric motors producing 218 extra horsepower, one on each axel, and can presumably reach 62 mph in 3.2 seconds.  Wowza.  She's a hot one that's for sure.  And she also is expected to get 78 mpg.  That fact, I don't actually believe.  Super cars aren't meant to be economical...they're super for a reason.  However, if she indeed can reach that miraculous fuel efficiency, more POWER to her.  Porsche announced that this concept car would actually go into production (YAY!!!!  More reason to bring back screaming, "PORSCHE!!" on the road).  

While I support the hybrid car movement and do value preserving the environment, obviously we live here, so it should be a priority, my only issue with hybrids is that they aren't stick shift manual.  It's all automated and incredibly dull with with little paddle flaps at the steering wheel.  I thoroughly enjoy pressing my foot into the clutch and switching gears, it's all part of the fun of driving!  I guess I'll just have to write to Porsche and tell them to make me one with a 6-speed gearbox. :-D  One day at least.

If you haven't watched Porsche's promotion video on the 918 Spyder, go, watch now.  You'll fall in love, just like me.  Porsche Intelligent Performance.

  

Protétgez-vous!

The French really are a remarkable people.  They've perfected the art of wine and champagne and are the ones to compare to when other regions attempt, and do succeed, to produce wine (yes, I'm tooting the Northern California wine regions here).  The cheese that comes out of the country is brilliant -- frômage bleu, brie, toutes les frômages sont magnifiques!  A French baguette is to die for -- it's the perfect concoction of flour, water, yeast, eggs, sugar, salt and whatever the hell else you put in bread to make it tasty.  French pastries, especially brioche, has the precise amount of love and butter added to make them the fluffiest, most delightful breakfast treats on the face of the earth -- if you've had a croissant or a nibble of brioche before, you'll know what I mean.  Some of my favorite films are French -- Amélie, Bon Voyage and Venus Beauty Institute being three of them.  And then of course the French gave us the fashion greats -- Coco Chanel, Christian Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, Hubert de Givenchy, Christian Louboutin, and I can go on.  It's really difficult to hate the French because they've given so much to culture in general.  Granted, I've been to Paris, I wasn't a fan of the Parisian snooty attitude, especially when I spoke in a foreign tongue (that being Latvian) and made every effort to exercise my college French, but, when I ventured to the outskirts of Paris, oh how the French were so kind and friendly!  Therefore, I will continue to admire and appreciate the French and all of their contributions to our lives in general.  


Moving on from gushing....my Godfather, quite surprisingly and oddly, sent me the following video of an advertisement produced in France promoting "safe sex."





To me, the video is BRILLIANT.  I'm not much for being blatantly obvious about sex -- meaning, not constantly referencing or joking about it (though I will laugh if someone cracks a good joke about it).  I do value the importance of "safe sex" and promoting it to all people who will listen.  Sex in the modern world has been devalued and isn't the holy grail of passion so much any more. Well, maybe it is, but there are so many people out there who aren't virgins, who don't value preserving their virginity until they're married.  Indeed, sex is something so commonly used and discussed today that there really is no point in putting it on pedestal.  "You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."  So old, I know, but still true!  We as humans now embrace the "mammal" instinct and just go for it if we've got the itch.  I do still think fidelity is important -- sex shouldn't be shared with anyone and everyone, especially if you're in a committed relationship.  It's important to value our bodies and who we share them with if we choose to do so.  And since in more cases than not in the modern world, our bodies will be shared with more than one person, it's incredibly important to "proceed with caution" and be sure that our and our partner's best interest in safety is at hand.  


So if kitchy, blatantly obvious advertisements are the way to promote "safe sex" and keep people healthy, happy and satisfying their "mammal" instincts, I'm all for it.  Therefore, lets thank the French for being so obvious about it and throw it in the faces of the conservative Anglo-Saxons and other squares we have to deal with, because if we're moving forward in this modern world and accepting that people are more promiscuous than they were 30 years ago, mind as well keep it interesting.


Protégez-vous!  S'il vous plaît!

Wine Tasting in Russian River Valley

There really is no better way to spend a Monday holiday than to drive an hour and a half north of San Francisco, leaving the fog and city behind, for an adventure in Russian River Valley's beautiful wine country.  Granted, February isn't the peak season to see the vines stocked full of grapes, and leaves for that matter, but just being in the presence of rolling vineyards, can even make the most depressed soul perk up just a little and smile.   Just look at those delightful little mustard blossoms cultivating the soil!

Image courtesy of me

I'm big on wine; almost to the point where I categorize myself as a wine snob -- one who surely appreciates the devotion and time a person gives to produce a truly spectacular vintage.  Wine is one of those beverages where anyone can say, "Sure, I like wine," but to love wine, to recognize tasting notes, to identify the difference between one year and another is someone with a passion.  I'll admit, I'm still an amateur -- my years of appreciating wine are a long road ahead of me, but know this -- I am making the effort to refine my knowledge of this coveted liquid treasure and will devote more time to understanding the process of making wine and how that in turn compliments the final product. 


Anyway, back to Russian River Valley.  I've done the Sonoma, Napa, Anderson, Dry Creek valleys and have been to Russian River before as well; however, this last trip to the valley was near perfection.   Maybe it felt so perfect because I had been dying to get up to wine country and this appeased my starved appetite for being amongst the vineyards, but the valley itself just feels so welcoming and friendly.  I went up with my sister and her husband -- my usual wine adventure buddies.  We stock up on goodies from Trader Joe's for a picnic, this time, plan which wineries to stop at (although Google Maps failed here again and we defaulted to a paper map) and then go.  Leave in the mid morning, cross the Golden Gate and cruise up 101 -- easy peasy.  


Our first stop was at Iron Horse to wet our taste buds with some bubbly before hitting the wine wine.  The winery is perched atop a hill and the road to get to it is roughly paved.  Its tasting room is outside and when we first arrived it was foggy (sad face), but they are brilliant and have large heat lamps right next to the bar.  When I'm with the sis and brother in law, we usually share tastings ($10/per person is a bit much, even though they'll waive the fee with purchase usually...and we like to share). So we shared the bubbly flight and the wine tasting.  The bubbles were quite delightful!  Best way to start the morning at 10:30am.  I bought a bottle of their 2005 Classic Vintage Brut -- a very dry brut, light on sugars, but still fruity, rich and my idea of good celebration bubbly.  It's 75% Pinot Noir and 25% Chardonnay -- a classic blend for a classic sparkling wine.  

Image courtesy of me

We next headed over to Porter Creek, a charming winery that was pleasantly doused with sunshine when we arrived.  The tasting room is a small house with boxes stacked against the walls with bottles of various vintages, eager to be sold or picked up by wine club members.  Our tasting room host was quite the jolly fellow, definitely in his element when pouring and sharing wine -- even snagged some unlisted tastes!  I bought their 2008 Viognier which, at first taste, was odd and I wasn't too sure if I liked it, but the second sip made me fall in love just a little.  It's bold with honey and nectar on the first sip, but on the second, the honey layer tapers down and you're greeted with rich pear and mango flavors.  A well rounded Viognier for sure that will be perfect on a warm spring day, munching on some sort of spicy cuisine.  

Image courtesy of me

I bought a bottle of their 2007 Fiona Hill Pinot Noir as well.  The 2007 Pinots in Russian River Valley and Anderson Valley were blessed with perfect weather for growing the grapes.  They got all the right frosts, sun exposure, rain, etc, so the fruit itself ended up with strong berry and black cherry flavors and all are incredibly smooth and will definitely age well.  The vintage does need a few more years before hitting complete and utter perfection and I'm guessing later this year or in 2011, the wine will be absolutely bold, round and even more berry intensive.  

Image courtesy of me

After Porter Creek, we headed up to Thomas George, a winery that our Iron Horse tasting room hostess told us to go to for their really really good Zinfandel and she was right, it was REALLY good Zinfandel.  I'm big on Zins right now too -- I love how busty they are with their deep berries, cocoa accents and silky vanillas.  Side note: Trader Joe's sells a fantastic Zinfandel by Canard Sauvage, a Dry Creek winery, for $9.99, if you really like Zins.  This Thomas George 2007 Zinfandel did not disappoint.  It was rich with raspberries, plums, cocoa tannins, black pepper, and got better with every sip.  So of course, I bought a bottle :) 

Image courtesy of me

After Thomas George, we got very hungry and needed to find a spot to have our picnic and enjoy a bottle of wine.  We ended up at Arista, a fairly new winery with beautiful grounds.  The wines here were decent, they have potential for sure.  We ended up buying a bottle of their 2007 Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir -- our favorite pick from their Pinot vintages.  This 2007 Pinot felt young, whereas the others I tasted that day didn't feel quite as young, they felt a bit heavier with potential.  It was a traditional Pinot though, light with acid, fruity cranberries and light with raspberries with a hint of tannins to help give it some layers.  An enjoyable wine that did pair nicely with our feast.

Image courtesy of me

After Arista, we wandered the valley a bit, ended up at Gary Farrell, who had some good wines, but were a bit pricey.  The tasting room did have a spectacular view of the valley which enthralled me more than the wines itself.  I seriously could have pitched a home there to just gaze out at the scenery, absorb the beauty and imagine my own fairy tale life.  It was lovely.  

One of the last wineries we hit was Dutton Estates.  We were a bit tired after all of our tastings and definitely had a food coma after our meal.  However, Dutton had a dessert wine on their tasting menu, a fantastic benefit to us because we were in need of something other than Pinot.  Their 2007 Sweet Sisters Late Harvest Zinfandel was simply perfect.  It had well refined vanillas, deep raspberries and chocolate layers.  A charming dessert wine that would pair nicely with a bowl of berries, bits of dark chocolate or can just be dessert itself.  My sister bought me a bottle of this one in exchange for driving :)

   

Image courtesy of me

It was a great success of a wine trip.  We were all thoroughly exhausted on the drive home and had In N Out for dinner.  Unclassy, not something to pair with wine, but definitely delicious.  With spring creeping up quickly, I can't wait to take more adventures up in wine country because there really is nothing like finding a charming winery or two or three to perk up the taste buds, have a picnic, enjoy company, sunshine, and the scenery that makes up our convenient, treasured escape from the city.  

Morning Antioxidants and Caffeine

One of the many things I cherish over the weekend is the morning.  Waking up at 9, 9:30, 10 (11 if it was a long night) to not having to do anything productive in particular just yet is a great way to relax.  What's even better is having a 3-day weekend to help extend the morning ritual to a day where normally, I would already be at work, probably fighting fires and quickly sipping down tea to warm my bones after traveling to Oakland via public transit (hence the Monday morning blog post). My Saturday and Sunday mornings usually consist of waking up, snoozing in bed while Zolite attempts to drag my bottom out of bed by sticking her nose in my face, licking my face, pawing at my face and sitting on my stomach purring until I actually move.  Maybe not the best way to be woken up in the morning (I can think of a few more preferred methods), but it's better than an alarm clock.  Once I actually get up, I feed the kitten and get my coffee started.  On the weekends, I make a slow drip coffee that really absorbs all of the coffee flavors and produces the best cup of java outside of a pristine coffee shop.  The pot I use is called, Chemex.  


Chemex pots have been around in the consumer space for about 5 decades and of course, they were designed by a German inventor, Peter Schlumbohm.  Germans just know how to make everything -- fantastic cars, coffee pots, beer -- maybe they have a bad rap from the whole Nazi-Hitler nonsense, which was indeed a very dark time for the Germans; however, I will give them props for their mechanical skills and methodical common sense.  Anyway, the pot is made out of glass and has a very distinct shape in order to brew the perfect cup of joe.  I'm not going to give a historical lesson on the pot, you can read up about it HERE or on Wikipedia.  


This is what my pot looks like:

Image courtesy of me.

Growing up, my parents always brewed coffee in this pot over the weekend, so of course, when I moved out and got a place of my own (and broke my old Melita pot...twas quite the tragedy), I wanted one too.  My Mamiņa picked up on the idea and bought it for me as a housewarming gift when I moved into my SF apt.  It definitely makes my morning.  Now granted, I'm a slight coffee snob.  I don't buy Starbucks or Folgers or any of that terrible tasting coffee you get at the mass market grocery store.  Instead, I buy my coffee from Trader Joes (they do indeed have a good coffee selection) or when I'm lucky, I get specialty coffee from a coffee shop in Berkeley (which my Mamiņa snags for me sometimes when she goes to Monterey Market since it's just around the corner).  It is incredibly important to have good, quality coffee, stocked full of grade A antioxidants and caffeine.  How else are we supposed to excuse our caffeine addictions if not with a high quality beverage?  My favorite beans come from Kenya, Papua New Guinea and Peru -- locations generally growing beans ideal for medium to dark roasted coffee.  I like it strong, what can I say :) 


The Chemex pot is a great alternative for those of us who don't want to run out in the morning and fetch a cup of coffee, but prefer a home-brewed method allowing us to enjoy our extended mornings.  The pot does require a little more attention than the standard auto-brew pot (I have one of those too for the weekday morning coffee fix while I put on my face), but on the weekends, we have time, so mind as well make the morning that much more enjoyable.  


Cheers to coffee!

Image courtesy of me.  This is one of my larger coffee cups, perfect for the weekend coffee.  It also was a gift from Latvian relatives, so it's extra special :)

I Love Shoes In Case You Didn't Know

Oh man do I love shoes...expensive shoes...shoes that you buy in swanky department stores with overstuffed couches, chandeliers, overly attentive salesmen in suits, complimentary bottled water, and oh yes, shoes delicately laid out on glass tables, shelves with decorative elements, all organized by designer.  How did I adopt this expensive habit?  Well, it started when I got a job, made money and thought, "Hmm. I wonder how a Manolo Blahnik would feel on my narrow clown foot."  Ok, so maybe I was influenced by Sex and the City and Carrie Bradshaw's addiction to fine footwear.  I'll admit it.  Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte all walking around NYC in their fabulous shoes and clothes makes any girl ask themselves, "How do I get me some of those?!"  So I made it happen.  I bought my first pair of Manolo Blahniks from the Neiman Marcus outlet in Milpitas at the Great Mall of America and with one swoop, I was hooked.  My sister then of course was getting married and I needed some fantastic shoes to go with my adorable chick yellow fish dress. Jimmy Choo anyone?  I opened a Saks credit card, bought my Choos and threw in a pair of Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes (which now have sadly seen their last days, but I don't have the heart to throw them away even though the heel is broken on one of them).  

So it started.  I couldn't possibly go back to the days of cheap footwear now that my feet were spoiled with exquisitely made shoes.  If I had a bad day, bad week, bad event, I hit Saks and Barneys (aimed to hit the sales too) and treated myself to much needed retail therapy ending in successful shoe purchases.  If I had a good day, good week, good event, I hit Saks and Barneys and rewarded myself for my accomplishments and positive demeanor with a shoe purchase.  I'll make up any excuse to buy shoes (obviously).  How do I afford it?  NO IDEA.  I've cut back considerably on shoe purchases now that I bought a car.  Trade offs of life.  I did manage to purchase some shoes last year though.  Granted, my boss did give me $750 to spend at Neiman Marcus because I was pissed off and he wanted me to be un-pissed off (apparently I'm supposed to be bought with shoes), which I debated actually spending, but I of course erred on the side of reason and indulged my addiction.  What?  I earned it!  So I personally only bought 1 pair of shoes from my own pocket last year and my boss bought me 2.  I'll take what I can get :-D

Are you ready for this?  Are you really ready?  Because there are some fantastic shoes posted below and oh yes, you might get jealous.  

First up is Gucci.  Oh Gucci.  How I've longed for a pair of Guccis and last year, I finally snagged me some.  I bought these on sale at DSW for a brilliant deal.  

Image courtesy of me.

Gorgeous right?  Even the box is pretty! I wore them to our Latvian Independence Day celebration, which happened to be on my birthday, with black leggings and white sweater dress.  Turned out to be a little bit of fantastic if you ask me!  In Latvian society, I've become notorious for having fabulous footwear, so now all the ladies when they greet me, look at my shoes first and then say hello.  Go figure.  Hahaha.

Next up are shoes, part 1, from the gift card.  I did have a fantastic time trying on shoes at Neiman.  The salesman helping me was a quirky fellow, but did happen to enjoy bringing out lots of footwear options for me.  I'll try on endless pairs of shoes any day!  Anyway, these are Christian Louboutin.  I love the red sole -- it's such a fantastic accent to the shoe.  It adds that little extra pop to complete the eccentric vision of Monsieur Louboutin.

Image courtesy of me.

Red patent leather with a diagonal cut on the toe and open side...mmMMmm, yum!  I wore these to new years with my black D&G dress that I wore to my boss' wedding 1.5 years ago.  They were the perfect pop to top off the party dress.  I thoroughly enjoyed wearing them and I look forward to taking them out on the town again.  

Lastly are shoes, part 2, from the gift card.  These were love at first sight.  I saw them, we immediately connected, and knew that this would be a lasting relationship.  Manolo Blahnik.  Oh Manolo Blahnik.  Classic, elegant, pristine.  Perfect cut, color and dose of sophistication.

 

Image courtesy of me.

  
I haven't worn these yet, but I have the perfect dress to go with them along with the perfect event to showcase the ensemble.  It's in a couple of weeks and I'm very very excited to get dressed up.  These are what I call Renate shoes.  Classically sophisticated and powerful that identifies my personality so well.  We are a match made in heaven.


If your curious about some of the other shoes in my collection, GO HERE.  It's my old blog about shoes which I've given up on.  Many of the shoes I see today are just too much.  Designers trying to make hooker heels fabulous is a no go for me.  Yves Saint Laurent's metal caged heels are also no gos for me.  I like a bit of eccentricity, but also practicality and they have to look pretty.  You can't just put anything on a shoe, it has to make sense.  So, since I was sadly discouraged about the trend in shoes recently, I stopped the blog.  I may revive it again when I'm inspired, but until then, shoe posts will be made here.  


You may think of me as a snob or a terrible brag when it comes to shoes, and I'll admit it, I am a snob about shoes, but I don't mean to brag :) 

What I Learned From 2009

I started and stopped this post about 4 times trying to think what I actually learned from 2009.  At the end of the previous 2 years, I was able to put together a vast list of all the things that happened during the year that I thought were important to mention.  2009 wasn't particularly eventful...there were some highlights and some low-lights...some exciting events and some terrifying occurrences; but for the most part, it was just another year at the same job, just coasting along...a flat line year if you will, with a couple of bumps (some up, some down).  So here's what I've taken from the year:


1.  It really is scary how close death can get to someone you love, but thankfully, there is solid Latvian stock in this family to keep us all going for a really long time.  


2.  The sad thing is how pathetic family drama can still be present when there's someone in need.  Our Latvian stubbornness really does get in the way of breaking down our barriers and burying the hatchet and that does make me frown.


3.  Guilt speaks pretty loudly which warrants excuses to an extent, but people shouldn't ride it forever, instead they should channel their guilt to being supportive, loving and understanding.


4.  Large purchases are definitely a large investment, but are completely worth it as they eliminate the headache of fearing death on the road.  So yes, I do love my 2009 GTI even if I have to continue paying for it over the next 4.3 years.  It was worth it!  


5.  6-speed manual transmission, united gray, sunroof, 2-door hatchback = one of my lovers who knows exactly what I need.


6.  Google is terrible at directions in Marin and has gotten me lost there more than three times in 2009.


7.  Google also thinks it's funny that the best directions to Mt Tam are the ones that lead to the start of the fire trail.  Climb your way to the top, duh!


8.  The best way to prepare for a 16 mile loop hike is to 1) use Google for directions, 2) stock up on water, 3) wear sunscreen because of course it's going to be 90˚ that day, 4) thank the heavens that someone created a fresh water bath for you to stock up on water, 5) pack a wine, cheese, cracker, veggie and dip lunch to enjoy when you made it to the top of the damn mountain, 6) prepare for wanting to live on the mountain on your way back because every part of your body hates you, 7) thank god that BevMo exists and that you an stock up on much needed beer infused calories post-hike.


9.  Trips to the wineries are always a fabulously fantastic adventure no matter who you're with.  Meeting the winos at the wineries is pretty interesting too.


10.  I think I saw maybe 3 movies in the theaters last year and can say I'm pleased that I didn't invest more money in seeing more.


11.  Sometimes the best vacations are those taken locally -- hang out at home, maybe throw in a trip to Tahoe, but just veg and enjoy life in the city.


12.  Taking an aimless drive sometimes leads you to the most peculiar, but soothing places.


13.  I truly enjoy floral photography.  One day, I will buy a digital SLR and will master it's vast amount of features. For now, the point and shoot will have to do.


14.  Sain Saine is the best place to get a massage in the city.  Any place that can relieve so much stress from your body that you wake up literally feeling like you're in a cloud or stoned is brilliant.


15.  The botanical gardens represent natural therapy in the purest form, no matter where they are.  


16.  I really don't like all day business trips where you wake up at 3am to pick up your boss by 5am to catch your 6am flight, have to drive everywhere at your travel destination, meet with dozens of people and then get home after 10pm and then of course have to go to work the next day.  


17.  I do, however, thoroughly enjoy business trips where I travel alone, get to spend the night and get to engage with my clients without my overly chatty, domineering boss.


18.  Nashville is truly an interesting city to experience.  I look forward to visiting it again.  


19.  Zolite will always be the best kitten ever.  Yes, I know she's now a cat.


20.  I still love my SF apartment even though I hate writing the rent check for it every month.


21.  I know I shouldn't splurge on material goods, especially since I made a large investment, but sometimes, you just can't help yourself.


22.  The iPhone really is the best phone to own. 


23.  I'm glad I started doing tautas dejas again -- it really is good exercise and a great stress relief.


24.  I'm also very happy to have met more fabulous letiņi and I look forward to taking more adventures with them in 2010.  


25.  Realizing you'll always have a connection to those that share your roots is pretty amazing and comforting.


26.  I will continue to be skeptical in the dating scene, but will tread carefully with those that I actually like.  


27.  I never thought I'd see someone do anything spontaneously to see me, but apparently it does happen.


28.  I also never thought that someone who does something spontaneously to see me would get scared so easily.  And no I didn't scare him...or if I did, I don't know how I did.


29.  Never ever ever will I date a married man again, even if he says he's in the process of getting a divorce, it's not worth the "what ifs" and the "what happened" when he goes MIA for 6 weeks.


30.  It's amazing how after 2 years, rekindled feelings still exist.  What's even better is how they're easily pushed aside again after being revisited.


31.  Finding a new job is incredibly challenging, but this year, I will strive to work harder to snag myself a new one.


32.  I can't be bought with shoes, but I will spend the gift cards you give me, I won't feel guilty doing so and I won't feel indebted to you.


33.  After 2 years of asking, I got business cards with my Latvian "a" (ā) on them.  I also made my own with my Latvian "a" (ā).


34.  Ikea's Clips frames are cheap and awesome.


35.  I will continue to cherish Vinet and Joey's mad cooking skills.


36.  I will, however, invest in new tupperware for them so they don't spill pickle juice all over my new car again.


37.  It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the best show on television, hands down.


38.  I somehow am a great hustler for my boys at strip clubs.


39.  However, I never want to hustle for my boys at a strip club on Broadway ever again.  Boobs in face = not amused LLLQ.


40.  I will love taking adventures with my boys that start at the Lafayette Reservoir and end in delicious seafood meals topped with tequila shots, champagne and terrible Marina bars.


41.  Smoking while drinking has become my terrible vice.  


42.  Reconnecting with old friends is truly a good thing and makes you wonder how you lost it in the first place.


43.  Never do I want to party on Broadway in North Beach ever again.  It's really an awful strip.


44.  While I was sad not to have Vinet and Joey at home for Christmas, I did have fun enjoying a quite non-traditional Christmas with the letiņi.


45.  I do enjoy cooking, I just wish I was better at it. 


46.  It will most likely take another 2 years for me to finish my painting.


So what are my goals for 2010?  Hopefully to make it more interesting!  I know I want to take a wine class, get a new job, get more involved in some sort of activity being Latvian related or not and just dive into what's out there because you mind as well experience it while you're young.  Cheers to 2010, a new year, a new decade, another new beginning.