So first, I'm going to bitch about my most recent, faux, bullshit, whatever you want to call it, fling, relationship, dating drama with a guy (who I've now concluded is a boy because he has acted like a 12 year old boy as of late) who, I really actually liked, a lot (maybe still do, but it's hard to beat feelings to a pulp..ok, yes still do, I'm working on it dammit!). Alright, so the standards apply -- no names, no specific details on how it started, just take it as, I met a guy and it started out fantastic! (Yes, that is an exclamation point, because 3 months ago, it deserved one.)
This guy that I had met before, maybe twice, decided he really wanted to make an effort to know me (for god knows whatever reason). We chatted consistently every day for probably around 2 weeks and since he lives down in SoCal, we couldn't go on a "real" date conveniently. Our chats were good -- I got all girlie excited when my phone buzzed with a text (annoying factor number one, text messaging all the time. Not that I'm a huge fan of the phone, but still, texting being the only form of communication is a bit much. Pick up the damn phone already, my thumbs are tired!) and it was good, I was happy. My initial thoughts were skeptical...my usual, why nows? and why exactly are you interested in me? type of questions. I got, what is now presumably a pre-generated response, "because your smart and awesome and beautiful" blah blah blah, yes, I'm amazing, thanks (ok, so when I first heard it, well, saw it, because it was text form, I got all girlie happy and the big smile spreads across my face, that whole thing).
One Thursday evening, I was having a bad day at work (as usual!), and we were chatting online (of course). I tell him, SAVE ME, because work was hell and all I really wanted was something refreshing...the spark! I wanted the spark to come to life in full! So this guy gets the bright idea to hop on the last plane and fly up to see me. Lil 'ol me. 2 weeks after "text dating." So soon! I'll admit, I was really unsure about the whole thing, but ignored my usual, should I be doing this?, and went with it. Ran home, beautified myself, picked his bum up from the airport, came back to my hood, got sushi and played the get to know you game in person. A date, if you will. A date with a little bit of fantastic-ness, a date that made me really happy and giddy and god knows whatever other feeling we women have when the spark arrives. It was a fabulous, spontaneous weekend, with a "call in sick" day on Friday (I had to kick him out on Saturday though because it was a birthday weekend...friend + mother b-days). I was happy. Really, really happy and gushed to all my girlfriends about how this amazing guy flew up to see me.
I drove my bum down to see him a few weekends later (I drove because I love my car, needed the mileage and hate flying in general). It was fabulous weekend part deux. He made me food, took me to the beach and the botanical gardens (scored major points on that one, because any guy that wants to walk around with me snapping pictures of flowers and not talking has to have some sort of good qualities), went to a movie and had driving adventures, made me more food and took me to sushi, obviously did more that just that which was very nice as well, and all in all, it was hard to leave, but I had to get my bum back to my city.
So yeah, 2 solidly good weekends, you would think you're on a smooth path to a "lets see where this goes and maybe it'll turn into something more" type deal. Oh no. That didn't happen. The boy goes MIA -- no texts, no chatting online at work, no phone calls (not that I was expecting any seeing as that wasn't a chosen form of communication), nothing. I get a passing email that he's having issues. I'm like, ok, we all have issues, need space, totally fine with it, told him if he needed someone, I was here, available for chatting. Turns out, the guy needs more than just a week to figure his shiz out...mind you, sans heads up or letting me what exactly is going on. Now granted, he did call at one point, but it was when I wasn't in the mood in talking, to him in particular (I got an "eventually I'll IM again" text from him and didn't think much of it right off the bat, but then thought, that is our only form of communication, so what, you decide not to talk to me with you're only preferred method and that's it??). Basically, it just went down...so far down. I'd send a text here and there, tried to call twice in one evening (no answer both times, I'm assuming one was a screen), and it was just dead, blah, nothing. I won't chase a boy, not that early.
Time passes, we decided we would get together on an upcoming weekend and guess how well that went. I texted him the weekend before we were supposed to get together asking what we should do next weekend, he asks what I want to do and I come back with a broad idea and then NOTHING. Silence. The end. I was annoyed, obviously. I decided to just break it off...sent the, you need to figure out your shit, text and left it at that. Then I get the, I'm sorry, I'm in a bad place, I miss you, blah blah, text back. Fine, good, you miss me, going to do anything to fix that? NO. The weekend comes up, on the Friday he feels like being cute and mentions he saw the beach we went to during a baseball game. THAT'S REALLY NICE. THANKS. How is that supposed to make me feel? Better?? I think not. I try to break it off (maybe I wasn't as direct as I should have been, I get it), I don't even get an answer about why we're not together that weekend and I get that? Awesome. Thanks. I get fed up that evening and ask (in text), why didn't you want to get together this weekend? The answer, I haven't gotten any time to myself and this weekend isn't looking like it either. .... really? REALLY? You couldn't have just told me that in the first place?? Retardedness right there. I was annoyed, very very annoyed.
Time moves on, it's the random text here and there, nothing interesting. He randomly appears in digital form again, wants to talk casually, blah. After that, I still got nothing. So he decides to pop back, but then not explain the silence? I'm still annoyed, I let it go, tell him I think it's foolish two people who like each other can't get their shit together to make it work and leave it at that. You can only hear, oh I like you so much and I miss you and don't hate me and distance is hard, so much. He knows where I live, it's not near SoCal, it's about a 5.5 hour drive, you knew this getting into it. I don't accept that as an excuse. I was able to deal, accept, willing to figure it out, still tell him I miss him, but really? You pull that? NOW? Bullshit.
So after all that, I still don't get it. I don't understand why it couldn't work. I don't understand what happened to him in his life and why he wouldn't let me help him. I don't understand anything. I've tried to analyze and justify in my head and I got nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's not logical! How does a person fly spontaneously to see someone and then a few weeks later they have issues, serious issues that make them go MIA for 6 weeks? It doesn't add up. I don't get it. I'm annoyed that I was tricked into believing something that apparently wasn't real. I'm hurt that someone would toy with my emotions like that. I'm even more annoyed that it was a spark and the spark went away and I was finally happy and excited for once for a guy and then BOOM! Nothing. Dead. Flat line. The End to a sad story where everyone died and the world ended and nothing existed, not even plants. I mean really? REALLY? I don't get it. Probably never will. I'll get over it, I know I will, it just doesn't help that my job is ass right now too. Which brings me to my next rant.
My job. Wow. Anyone that has worked there long enough is jaded, was jaded, quit, or was fired. No one really lasts that long there, it's really sad. In my department, I've got at least 2 years over everyone besides my "boss". I use that in quotes because it's not defined and doesn't really feel like he is or should be. Anyway, this rant won't be as long, but basically, there are just inconsiderate people that work there that just want to dump on you. Dump everything, you can do it. You get the, "oh yes, I care, of course I do" which is totally fake. Why are you pouring so much work on me and not fucking paying me for it asshole??? Hmmm???? I've disliked my job for a while. It's too much. I like part of the industry and hate the other part. It's just foolish. I'm not going to get into details, I think I ranted most of what I needed in the boy portion of this post, so I don't have any more energy to complain. Maybe later, I'll take another detour from the rules, we shall see.
If you read this, don't pity me, just explain to me why men think they're so damn simple when they really aren't. If you're so simple, why don't you just say what the hell is going on in your life or what's on your mind??? It's not that hard.
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